To my children, I love you. Full Stop.
They say parents love their children unconditionally, but I personally disagree. I am not saying that parents do not love their children, however I am saying it is most definitely for the most part a conditional kind of love. For sure it is more tolerant than other kinds of love, more accepting, more forgiving more kind, yet still, it is somewhat conditional.
Many parents love their children with certain expectations attached to their love. This is not intentional or in bad intent, yet some parents love their kids when they do what is expected of them. All under the notion and belief that this is what is best for the child and coming from a place of love. Not stopping to ask or check if this is how the child wants to receive this love, or if it is truly making the child happy. Of course, I am mainly here focused on children who are old enough in making decisions for themselves.
Some parents want their children to behave in a certain way, achieve in a certain way, or even follow in their footsteps. Some want their children to live their unfulfilled dreams and make them come true instead. If children do something out of the norm of parents’ expectations, then although the love is still there, however it is tarnished with disappointment and frustration.
Sometimes some parents might say “I love you …EVEN If YOU…” or “I love you…NO MATTER WHAT….” Which is basically saying, although you disappointed me, and you are not doing what I am expecting you to do to, I still love you. Making a child feel less adequate for receiving this love, or the parent coming off as doing a child a favor for loving them in his or her current state.
So, I want to tell my children that there are no conditions, expectations, wants, needs, desires, attached with my love for you. I will not project my fears, my disappointments, my failures, my journey on to you. I promise to be there for you when ever you need me or want me to, to protect you if you want and ask for my protection. Give you advice only if you ask for it and not push my opinions on you. Support you if you want or ask for my support.
I realize that I do not own you for giving birth to you, and that I am privileged for being your mother. You have a right to receive my love while being able to live your dreams the way you want, to be able to live your truth the way you want to, without having any fear that this will change how I feel towards you. I am blessed that you are part of my world, and I Love you. Full Stop. I want you to be happy. Full stop.
